amphetim.wav
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetimines."
black.wav
"Cream?"
"No thank you, I take it black. Like my men."
clearnce.wav
"We have clearence Clarence."
"Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?"
coffee.wav
"Would either of you like another cup of coffee?"
"I will but Jim won't."
"I think will have another cup of coffee."
[Internal monologue] - "Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home."
drinking.wav
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."
facts.zip +1MB
"Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face some unpleasant facts?"
"No."
"Alright, unless I get all those people to a hospital quickly, I can't even be sure of saving their lives. Now, is there anyone on board who can land this plane?"
"No, no-one I know of."
"I think you ought to know what our chances are. The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing - finding someone back there who cannot only fly this plane but who didn't have fish for dinner."
flyplane.wav
"Ladies and gentlemen this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encounter. There is no reason to become alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight... By the way is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"
[Chaos]
glue.wav
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue huh?"
guess.wav
"Captain, how soon can you land?"
"I can't tell."
"You can tell me, I'm a doctor."
"No, I mean I'm just not sure."
"Well, can't you take a guess?"
"Well, not for another two hours."
"You can't take a guess for another two hours?"
jelly.zip +1MB
"Every passenger on this plane who had fish for dinner, will become violently ill in the next half hour."
"Just how serious is it doctor?"
"Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. As the virus penetrates the red blood cells the victim becomes dizzy, he begins to experience itching, a rash. From there the virus goes to work on the central nervous system, causing severe muscle spasms, followed by the inevitable drooling. At this point the entire digestive system collapses, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence, until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly."
jive.zip +1MB
"Shit man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. You know?"
"Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you man."
"I say hey sky, s'other s'ay I wan say?"
"Uh..."
"Pray to J, I get the same ol' same ol'."
"Eh. Knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter back live performas down now take TCB'in man."
"Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em. [Together] Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em!"
"Cold got to be! You know? Shiiiiiiit."
letcrash.wav
"They knew what they were getting in to. I say let 'em crash!"
naked.wav
"You never seen a grown man naked?"
pisser.wav
"What a pisser!"
smell.zip
"The last thing he said to me - "Doc." he said, "Sometime, when the crew is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they've got, and win just one for the zipper. I don't know where I'll be then Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too good, that's for sure!"."
vomits.wav
"Oh. I shouldn't have had that second cup of coffee."
[Heaving noises]
[Internal monologue] - "Jim never vomits at home."
