applepie.wav
"Guys umm, what exactly does third base feel like?"
"Like warm apple pie."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Applie pie, huh? ... McDonald's or homemade?"
ateall.wav
"Well, we'll just tell your mother that err, that we ate it all."
bandcamp.zip +1MB
"That's pretty much it."
"I thought so, because this one time, at band camp..."
"What, what's your name?"
"Michelle."
"Ok, Michelle... do you want to be my date for the prom?"
"Really? You seriously want to go with me?"
[Long pause]
"Yes. Seriously."
"Are we going to Steve Stiffler's party afterwards, because that would be so cool."
"Sure, whatever you want."
"Cool! We're going to have such a good time. It'll be like this one time, at band camp, when we all had a camp fire..."
bitch.wav
"Ok, let's go!"
"What's my name? Say my name bitch!"
"Michelle, Michelle!"
[Crashing and banging]
clit.wav
"Do you know what a clitoris is?"
"Oh my God. Yes I know what a clitoris is."
[Speaking over each other very quickly]
"Oh, oh you do. I forgot that you've been there and back..."
"Well I've learned about it in sex ed, you know, I really don't need you to sit here and talk to me about a clitoris..."
"You know everything, you know I'm just trying to make this as painless as I can, Jim..."
"You know what, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry."
"No, no I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
flute.wav
"and the end of the story is, you had to kiss the guy for twenty seconds..."
"Yes! And he was such a dork! And everyone laughed at me, but I didn't care because it was so funny."
"I get it."
"Oh, and this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy."
"Hmm..."
[Chokes on his drink]
"Excuse me!?"
hustler.zip +1MB
"This is Hustler, and this is a much more exotic magazine. Now they have decided to focise more on the err, pubic region, err, the whole groin area. Look at the expression on her face. You see that? You see what she's doing? She kind of looking right into your eye saying, "Hey big boy. Hey how you doin'?" You see?"
"Right."
milf.wav
"Dude! Check some MILF!"
"What the hell's that?"
"M-I-L-F - Mum I'd Like to F***!"
"Yeah, dude!"
pact.zip +1MB
"You know we're all going to go to college as virgins. You realise this right? I mean they probably have special dorms for people like us."
"Alright, I've got an idea, but its gotta stay between us. It's really simple, we just gotta make an agreement. Nah, it's more than an agreement..."
"What? A bet?"
"A pact. No money involved. More important than any bet. Here's the deal - we all get laid before we graduate."
"Dude, it's not like I haven't been trying to get laid."
"Think about when you work out Oz, you gotta have someone there right? Someone to spot you, someone to keep you motivated. Well, that's exactly what we can do for each other. I mean we'll be there to keep each other on track. Separately we are flawed and vulnerable, but together we are the masters of our sexual destiny."
salami.zip +1MB
"Jim, I wanna talk about masturbation. Now I just want you to know that it's a perfectly normal err, thing. And I have to admit err, you know, I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know pounding the old pudding... I never did it with baked goods. But you know your uncle Mort? He pets the one-eyed snake five, six times a day. See it's like practise for the big game, you see? It's like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun, it can be fun but it's not a game."
"Right."
"It's not a game."
"No."
"What you want is, you want a partner to return the ball. Do you want a partner?"
"Yeah."
shuttle.wav
"We're gonna have sex, when he's ready and I'm ready. It's gotta be completely perfect. I want the right time, the right moment, the right place."
"Vicky, it's not a space shuttle launch - it's sex."
suckme.wav
"There's just something about the spring time that's just cool, you know. Like the smell of fresh rain or something. Suck me beautiful."
"What did you just say?"
"Suck me beautiful?"
[Laughing]
used.wav
"She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!"
work.wav
"All that you gotta do is just ask them questions and listen to what they have to say and shit."
"I dunno, man. That sounds like a lot of work!"
