1nite.wav
"Yeah we may not be young, we may not be pretty, we may not be very good. But were here, were live and for one night only we're going for the full monty."
2fat2old.wav
"I mean what if, next friday 400 women turn round and say he's too fat, he's too old and he is a pigeon-chested little tosser. What happens then hey?"
bigger.wav
"It's not working in the sense that it's not working. No I can't speak up. Nothings happening, you know what I'm saying, nothings getting bigger. Well this is an emergency is this."
buff.wav
"Told you, robbing pipes thats all."
"Gary, my friend no bugger robs pipes in the buff."
drown.wav
"Drowning now there's a way to go."
"Can't swim."
femissue.wav
"Fat, David, is a feminist issue."
"What's thats supposed to mean when it's at home?"
"I don't bloody know do I but it is."
fullmont.wav
"Ah, just a bit of advertising for some mates."
"Oh, I. And who's gonna come and see your mates. We had the real thing up here the other day you know."
"Well us mates are better."
"Better? Hows that then?"
"What? This lot go all the way, don't they lads?"
"The full monty? You lot?"
intrview.wav
"It were my first interview in months. I could have got my first month in advance she'd never have known. Now what? She's still got credit cards you know. She's out there now let loose on high street with her f***ing Barcklay card spending!"
"Why can't you just tell her?"
"How can I tell her after six months?"
nolookin.wav
"I want no looking, and no laughing you bastards."
offside.wav
"You go forward OK? Alright Nathan. [Music] 1, 2, 3, no, no, no Jesus Christ. All I want to do is get you in a straight bloody line. What do I have to do?"
"Well it's the Arsenal offside trap isn't it?"
"You what?"
"The Arsenal offside trap. Lompa here is Tony Adams right. Any bugger looks like scoring, we all step forward in a line and wave our arms around like a fairy."
"Oh well thats easy."
"OK, Nathan."
[Music]
"Perfect... perfect."
runudown.wav
"I know you could stand in the middle of the road and get a mate to drive smack into right fast."
"Haven't got any mates."
"Listen you we just saved your f***ing life so don't tell us were not your mates alright?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, me n'all. I'd run you down soon as look at you."
stripper.wav
"You and Gaz. Strippers?"
"We weren't that bad. Only I couldn't could I."
"Why not?"
"Well look at me."
"So."
"Jean who wants to see this dance?"
this.wav
"You don't sing?"
"No."
"You don't dance?"
"No."
"I hope you don't think I'm being nosy but what do you do?"
"Well er, there is this."
[Gasp]
ugly.wav
"Right times ten quid by a thousand right and you've got a lot, a very lot."
"Ten thousand quid."
"How much?"
"Ten thousand quid."
"Hey now Dave it's worth a thought though in'it?"
"Oh, I. I can just see little and large prattsin' round Sheffield with their widgeys hanging out. Now that would be worth ten quid."
"Don't be so daft we were just saying you know."
"Wigdeys on parade bring your own microscope."
"I don't see why the chuff not Gerald."
"Because your fat, he's thin and your both f***ing ugly."
werecrap.wav
[Music]
"That were crap."
