armnaked.wav
"Hey, don't put your arms around me when I'm naked!"
butters.wav
"Ok, you know how Roger is about his daughter going out with cops?"
"Yeah he'd kill him himself."
"Yeah, well, so, Reyanne's married to one, he's the father of his baby. She's too afraid to tell Roger. They met last year, they fell in love, she got pregnant, they got hitched that's the story."
"And nobody's telling Roger about this?"
"After the baby's born Riggs."
"What, you mean it's a package deal, here it is, take it or leave it?"
"Yeah."
"Does Trish know about this?"
"Yeah she knows. She doesn't know you know but Trish knows."
"Who's the lucky soon-to-be-dead son-in-law?"
"Riggs."
"Who?"
"Sergant Lee Butters."
"Oh, oh this just gets better and better. Biscuits? I mean no wonder he's been sucking up to Roger, he brings him apples and blankets and coffee and..."
"Ok, Ok, not a word Riggs. I'm telling you, nothing. Just calm down."
"Are you kidding? I'm not gonna tell him anything, I mean he'd shoot me just for being the messenger. I mean he's my best friend and it'd be wrong to mess with him. Promise. I won't mess with him."
captains.wav
"Captain you wanted to see us about something?"
"Some things don't change."
"Here we go."
"The department has lost its insurance carrier. With all the diamonds you've done they can't get a new one while you two guys are still running around on the streets."
"I, I think that..."
"They can't fire you either so they're promoting you."
"Hey, Lieutenant."
"No, there's no open Lieutenant spots, so the Cheif is using his special privilege and he's making you Captains."
"No, better Captain."
"Time was when this sort of thing would send me right over the f***ing falls, I swear to God I'm getting old."
"So what the hell do we do now?"
"Er, Captain, hang out by the coffee machine..."
"Take long lunches..."
"Yeah yell things like "Riggs, Murtoch""
cellphon.zip +1MB
"Hello? Shit! These f***ing phones man. You get a call - they cut you off, you make a call - they cut you off. I never..."
"Don't you know what they're doing kid? They f*** you with cell phones, that's what it is. They're f***ing you with cell phones. They love it when you get cut off, you know why? Huh? You know why? Because when you call back, which they know you're gonna do, they charge you for that f***ing first minute again at the higher rate."
"If you're lucky enough to be able to call back because the three hour battery you got only lasts for twenty f***ing minutes."
"And what if you're standing behind a f***ing hill and it's going kchkchkch!"
"Or you going through a damn tunnel or some shit man. And they keep making it smaller. You know why they make them this small? So you can lose 'em. Why? So that you have to buy more phones. I never lost my Mother's phone, took you two hours to make a damn long distance call. Duh, duh, duh, four, duh, duh, duh, five, duh, duh, duh - oh I messed up. Hang up, gotta do it again. Duh, duh, duh, four, duh, duh, duh, five. I never lost my sports illustrated swimsuit phone."
"And how about these f***ing scanners, these idiots get your phone number and then they make calls all over the world..."
"Somebody took my number can called Afganistan. Afganistan! I don't know nobody in Afganistan, I don't know what a f***ing Afganistan look like and even if I did I would not talk to their Afgan ass for three hours. I wouldn't talk to my Daddy for three hours!"
dumbest.wav
"You got the right to remain silent, so shut the f*** up Ok? You've got the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney we will provide you with the dumbest f***ing lawyer on earth."
father.wav
"I'll draw his fire you run for cover."
"Hey, no, no, no. I'll draw his fire you run for cover!"
"What, are you out of your mind? You got a wife, kids, I got a lot less to lose than you."
"Hey, Riggs"
"No get going Rodger, get out of here!"
"Riggs! I wasn't supposed to tell you this but Lorna's pregnant, you're gonna be a father."
"No get going, get... What did you say?"
"You're gonna be a father! I was too afraid to tell you. I was afraid you'd get angry. You guys never talked about children?"
"Shit! A baby! There's something I'm not supposed to tell you too."
"Yeah what?"
"Reyanne's pregnant, you're gonna be a grand-father."
findsom1.wav
"Stephanie. I can't go out with you, I'm in a relationship, I'm very happy. Alright I think you need to see someone. Look you'll find someone, someday who'll care for you, not in this department but you're gonna have to stop bothering me."
"You're disgusting! What's the matter with you people?"
floor.wav
"Butters it seems like you hate crime in a sort of personal way if you don't mind me saying so."
"Why do you say that, sir?"
"Well it's just last night I noticed you were, well lets say more than slightly miffed. Any particular reason?"
"About one-hundred-fifty-thousand of them. I mean that's how many bullets was zinging around my neighbourhood growing up. Couldn't go outside, couldn't go near a window. Lived on the floor, ate on the floor, slept on the floor, watched TV on the floor. See I didn't learn how to walk 'till I was ten years old. Spent most of my formative years nose-to-nose with the family Beagle. You know when I'm working on a crime, I ain't thinking about the crime, just thinking about that godamn floor and it pisses me off!"
helikesu.wav
"I don't really know how to say this but you really inspire me. Keep it up."
"Hey how's it going Bertman?"
"That's Butters, Captain."
"Buthead, yeah I'll remember that. He really likes you huh?"
"Yeah, I wish he'd cut that shit out. Hey, he likes me?"
"Yeah."
"He likes me?"
"What?"
"No. You don't think he likes me, likes me, likes me, likes me like that?"
"Oh, er. You know this is not the military it's the police force, I mean the millenium's creeping up on us. You know what the Captain said, new people, new department."
lawenfor.wav
"Spend some time with him you might learn to love him."
"Huh?"
"Like a son."
"A son?"
"in-law... enforcement. It pays to know your fellow officer. He might have to back you up some day."
malibu.wav
"Have I ever "made your womanhood reach peaks that would rival the highest Himilayas?"
"Foothills of Malibu maybe."
"What not even a Titon (?!?)?"
"Nah, I don't think so."
"Oh gee, I thought at least rate the Rockies here."
not2old.wav
"We are not to old for this shit... Yeah."
perp.wav
"Hey Riggs, who's the perp? What you bust him for?"
"Oh I'm a perp? You see a young brother in the back of a polcie car and automatically I'm a perp? Look at my suit, look at my tie what do I look like a f***ing crooked accountant? Look at this badge bitch, check out the gun."
"Ok, Ok! Put the gun down! Put the gun down."
"License, registration, urine sample!"
plick.wav
"Hey Uncle Benny, how you doin'? Hey Roger he still hasn't clipped his eyebrows."
"Now what did we tell you about that? We hate disturbing you Uncle Benny."
"This is Detective Buckles."
"Whatever he says."
"So, sell any heroin, buy any cops, kill anyone lately? How's the front, er, restaurant?"
"Have something to eat. Give you the police discount."
"Fly lice?"
"Fly lice? It is fried rice you plick!"
reach.wav
"Now I know this is a bad time but I think there's something you need to know about me. Now this is hard for me to..."
"I think maybe I know what it is."
"You do?"
"Yeah and it's Ok."
"It is?"
"People have the right to do whatever makes them happy. Just don't expect me to like it too."
"I know this must be real hard for you."
"It's impossible for me!"
"Now I was just hoping maybe we could get together around the holidays, say Christmas..."
"Hey, why the hell should we get together and see each other on Christmas?"
"You know I was just trying to reach out."
"Well reach somewhere else! Do what you want to do but just leave me out of it! Got it?"
"I got it."
"Yeah, I don't wanna hear one more word about it!"
"Not a word."
siren.wav
"God I'd give my right arm for a siren right now."
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"
slaves.wav
"Coastguard interdicts about one of these a months."
"Pretty raggedy looking."
"Six weeks locked in a hole with one toilet. Rice and a little fish to eat. Lousy deal for thirty-five grand a head."
"Thirty-five grand where did they come up with that kind of money?"
"Didn't. Gotta work it off. The snake heads, the smugglers, they sell 'em as cheap labour."
"Sell 'em?"
"Like slaves."
theusual.wav
"What happened? Gun fights, explosions, sharks - the usual."
undies.wav
"Here's what we're gonna do. Take your clothes off."
"What the hell for?"
"What for?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, you run, flamey over here turns and sees you in your undies and it distracts him. I know it'd distract me and that's when I shoot. Get going here he comes! Hey are those little hearts?"
"Not now Riggs, just get the damn bastard!"
"Ok, also flap your arms and make noises like a bird."
"What?"
"It'll distract him more, I need him to turn."
"Alright, alright!"
"On two. Ready?"
"Why don't we go on three?"
"No time for three, go! Alright one, two get going."
"I don't wanna die in my underware Riggs."
[Bird noises]
